dear citibank

Dear Citibank,

I drained and closed my accounts with you over nine months ago.  I found someone else, and his name is HSBC.  He gave me a much higher interest rate on savings than I ever thought you could... and by the time you finally got your act together, it was already too late.  I was out the door.

And now you have the balls to send me an email about how "moving your money online is easy with citibank".  Well that's nice, but what does that have to do with me?  Back when we were together I had no money to move.  But things are different now, Citibank.  Now I have a real job and awesome credit and my grandpa died and left me a nice chunk o'change that HSBC and I are going to have a lot of good times with.  In your dreams, Citibank.

So I went to click on the link to remove myself from such pathetic future (pleadings) mailings, I signed in to the site and then was greeted by a blank page.  Way to play hard to get, Citibank.  Now I'm all paranoid that I fell prey to a phishing scam.  But I know you would never stoop that low.  I typed in the URL myself and looked desperately for the "account servicing" link from the "menu", all while you laughed and teased me for my lack of web skills.  Do you even remember what I DO for a living, Citibank?  At least I have a job, whereas all you do is sit around collecting other people's money all day.  And send out spammy emails to your exes, apparently.

Please close ALL my accounts, and remove my name and email from ANY and ALL future mailings.  I am so not interested.  I'm sorry if I didn't make that clear.

Stop playing games, Citibank.  I want you out of my life.

Sincerely,
lo l.

it's over between us